Meet Me Halfway

Meet Me Halfway

Wednesday, May 30, 2012


I have a copy of Dan Brown’s Act of War on my desk and off to the side The Collected Poems of Octavio Paz. I just cannot seem to bring myself to crack the spines on those anymore. They really are good reads and challenge me, but I have found and even more intriguing addiction………online dating profiles.
I am amazed at what some women will actually put to print. I can only imagine what my brethren have spewed across the World Wide Web. Chris Rock said it best……”Men tell more lies, women tell bigger lies.” A night out on the town will fill you in on all the BS gents lay down in just a few hours.  Here are a few of my faves:
I am a musician, so I don’t have much time for a 9-5. ~ I’m self-employed.  ~ I will rock your world. ~  I wish more women liked to just cuddle. ~  Your eyes are intoxicating. ~  Kids?? I love kids! ~  Maybe we can just take a nice relaxing walk on the beach. ~ I’d rather be somewhere less smoky and more intimate. ~ Sure, I’ll get you a drink….uh Robbie how much am I up to?? ~ Family is the most important thing to me. ~ I was laid off. ~ I respect all women the same.
The list goes on and on. Now my ladies, you really lay it on! I recognize that not all of God’s creatures are created equal however………..
I’m looking for a real man: Good thing cuz it’s doubtful that Ken would be able to respond to your posting. Of course you are! I mean with your weave, acrylics, colored contacts, dyed hair, breast implants, Apple bottom jeans, Jessica stilettos, bra strap clip(if you’ve not saved enough for that augmentation just yet), Brazilian wax, fake lashes, and glamour shots that you had taken for no apparent reason other than to post here……..why on earth would you want a guy that was not man enough to show you who he really is??
The most important thing in my life is my kids: I can see that, why else would you have pics of them on a dating website? Wow, your 20 year daughter is so…….mature. Is she on this site too? C’mon ladies, are you looking for a partner or a baby-daddy? If your kids are not your first priority then you should not be surprised with the prize of a man that’ll most likely land. I get that you all are a package deal, but save that shit for facebook.
God comes first in my life: I know he does. Your kids know it too. All six of them born out of wedlock. I know that the pic of you doing shots at the bar surrounded by all of those dudes is not an accurate portrayal of who you are. That was just one of those crazy let my hair down days………..that end in Y. You have beliefs, good maybe your kids will learn something from them. However spare us the bullshit routine of being a good Christian woman if you are not walking the walk. You might try looking for a good man at church. I mean, I’m sure you go every week right?
So folks, I may never read a book worth a damn again. This stuff is just too rich! I read one and just as soon as I finish it’s on to the next one. Queue my Jay-Z exit music!

Thursday, May 10, 2012

huffin' & puffin'!

I’ve come to learn that I am more apt to finish something when I think somebody is watching me…..well, unless I am in the mood to be an ass. In that case I just may toy with you. However, pressure seems to be a driving point in my task completion cycle. That being said, I’m going to enlist a few of you for the remainder of the year to watch me so that I actually accomplish my goal.
Some twenty six years ago I ran my first one minute quarter mile. I had no idea how good that was as an eighth grader, but soon learned. I worked my way down through the 50s over the next few years and as a junior in high school I finally broke the 50 second barrier. 23 years is a long damned time! I have resigned that I will never be that fast again or that thin again. Hell, at one point I had reached 100 pounds over my Naval enlistment weight. Chubba-Wubba! I have been following a few people in their Spartan Race fiascos and have decided that I will register for a race before 2012 is up. Annnnnnd since I will obviously have to get into shape for this I am also going to make an attempt at a one minute quarter mile before I leave my “Ruby” year. Not asking for a lot right? Hahaha, I’m going to die. This Spartan thing is grueling and I really hope I can finish. Then again, I’m a bit hard-headed so I think I will get through it………lights will be on the cameras will be off, but I will finish dammit!  
I’ve had a less than happy year since I turned 40. I’ve spent far too many nights fretting over things that I have no earthly control over. I had a moment……a divining moment, if you will, that lasted about five days and cost around $2500 that brought me a bit more into reality. I’m thankful for a few friends and coworkers that saw a problem and came to my aid. It was definitely a downward spiral, a flat spin. Looking forward I think I can concentrate on the shit I can fix and let the rest just drop. Not changing anything by worrying about it.

So today I weigh in and take the dreaded “before” picture. Wish me luck. Watch out ladies, this old fart is coming back!