DESPERATELY Seeking!

I have a copy of Dan Brown’s Act of War on my desk and off to the side The Collected Poems of Octavio Paz. I just cannot seem to bring myself to crack the spines on those anymore. They really are good reads and challenge me, but I have found and even more intriguing addiction………online dating profiles.

I am amazed at what some women will actually put to print. I can only imagine what my brethren have spewed across the World Wide Web. Chris Rock said it best……”Men tell more lies, women tell bigger lies.” A night out on the town will fill you in on all the BS gents lay down in just a few hours.  Here are a few of my faves:

I am a musician, so I don’t have much time for a 9-5. ~ I’m self-employed.  ~ I will rock your world. ~  I wish more women liked to just cuddle. ~  Your eyes are intoxicating. ~  Kids?? I love kids! ~  Maybe we can just take a nice relaxing walk on the beach. ~ I’d rather be somewhere less smoky and more intimate. ~ Sure, I’ll get you a drink….uh Robbie how much am I up to?? ~ Family is the most important thing to me. ~ I was laid off. ~ I respect all women the same.

The list goes on and on. Now my ladies, you really lay it on! I recognize that not all of God’s creatures are created equal however………..

I’m looking for a real man: Good thing cuz it’s doubtful that Ken would be able to respond to your posting. Of course you are! I mean with your weave, acrylics, colored contacts, dyed hair, breast implants, Apple bottom jeans, Jessica stilettos, bra strap clip(if you’ve not saved enough for that augmentation just yet), Brazilian wax, fake lashes, and glamour shots that you had taken for no apparent reason other than to post here……..why on earth would you want a guy that was not man enough to show you who he really is??

The most important thing in my life is my kids: I can see that, why else would you have pics of them on a dating website? Wow, your 20 year daughter is so…….mature. Is she on this site too? C’mon ladies, are you looking for a partner or a baby-daddy? If your kids are not your first priority then you should not be surprised with the prize of a man that’ll most likely land. I get that you all are a package deal, but save that shit for facebook.

God comes first in my life: I know he does. Your kids know it too. All six of them born out of wedlock. I know that the pic of you doing shots at the bar surrounded by all of those dudes is not an accurate portrayal of who you are. That was just one of those crazy let my hair down days………..that end in Y. You have beliefs, good maybe your kids will learn something from them. However spare us the bullshit routine of being a good Christian woman if you are not walking the walk. You might try looking for a good man at church. I mean, I’m sure you go every week right?

So folks, I may never read a book worth a damn again. This stuff is just too rich! I read one and just as soon as I finish it’s on to the next one. Queue my Jay-Z exit music!